Driving is critical to independence, but sometimes older relatives get to the point where family members begin to wonder whether allowing them to continue driving is safe for anyone. This guide from Sears Imported Autos can help you start the conversation.

When to Hang Up the Keys

The optimum time to hang up the keys is before someone gets killed. If you know there is an unsafe driver on the road, you are responsible to do whatever it takes to get that driver off the road. Having your mom threaten to stop cutting your sandwiches in triangles is a much better alternative than having a loved one or an innocent bystander cut into triangles by an out-of-control motorized vehicle. Look for the following signs:

• If nobody dare ride with an elderly loved one, there’s a reason. When an elderly loved one’s driving causes you to soil yourself, slam on imaginary brakes, or break into a cold sweat, it’s time to have a conversation. Abrupt lane changes, unnecessary braking or accelerating, erratic use of turn signals, lane drifting, and driving on the wrong side of the road signal danger.
• Because the alternative to growing old is dying, many people wish to continue growing old, even if they do not have full control over their reflexes. Despite not having full control over reflexes, people still want to keep driving. Drivers should be capable of looking over their shoulder, moving their hands and feet, reacting in an appropriate amount of time to other drivers, flipping off motorists who cut them off, and instinctively knowing what each pedal on the floor does.
• Repeated close calls and traffic citations do not occur because the police are out to get your 92-year old grandpa. The three missing mailboxes, the dent in the garage door, and the missing paint on the passenger’s side indicate danger is afoot every time a driver is behind the wheel. Missing turns, getting lost, and completely ignoring road signs and pedestrians indicate it’s time to hang up the keys.

How to Tell an Elderly Loved One to Stop Driving

In a perfect world the decision to stop driving will be done by the elderly loved one. In your world that’s not happening so you need to make the decision for him or her. Here are suggestions for making this unpleasant conversation not as unpleasant:

• Be loving and respectful. Now is not the time for jokes, even if those kittens scrambling in terror as grandma pulled in the driveway lifted everyone’s mood. Show empathy. Think about the last time you were without a car. It sucked, didn’t it?
• Encourage your loved one to do an honest self evaluation.
• Find alternative transportation. This should be done before the conversation. Offer to help your loved one get accustomed to public transportation or ride sharing. As a family, share responsibilities for helping elderly parents or relatives get to doctor’s appointments and other important appointments. Taking away an elderly loved one’s driving privileges is an unselfish act, meaning you might have to give rides.
• Be clear and direct.
• If necessary, take the keys. This sounds harsh. It is harsh, actually. Not as harsh as a traffic fatality.
• As a last resort, contact the Department of Motor Vehicles or the family physician to intervene.